What about that feeling when you miss a person soooooo much, though you have been cuddling with him this morning?Where does this feeling come from?

Its so hard sometimes to stay silent, when you have so many questions unanswered, like.. Why did we actually split apart?

a moment

Today´s thumbs up goes for:

A moment when you squeeze in the bus and catch the stranger´s look which makes you smile! 

The special part about it is that everyone look so serious all around  and then me, trying to control the smile and trying to look somewhere else, because the stranger keeps looking at me, but its hard, because the bus is totally packed in and the only way to look is into a stranger. I was embarrassed and he was handsome. 

It was such kinda moment :DD

Love addiction

Some people need drugs, alcohol. I need romanticism and constantly being in love. Constantly. No matter how I act, what I say, what I do, but inside my mind and heart there is a hurricane when I don´t get my ´dose´. How Sandy destroyed NY, same things are happening in my inner being. When I do get my doze, I sparkle.I am energetic. Everything is in peace. Life is beautiful. My soul sings and I am ´up high´.

Once my ex was complaining to me that I need ´all that shit´(please excuse my expression, but this is how he said it)  and sex is not important to me.  Dear Ex, you are party right. Sex is just wrong. Leaves an empty feeling and afterwards regret takes over. But making loooove is beautiful. You were ironically looking weird at me when I asked to call it ´making love´. What´s the difference you asked. That time I just got silent because I knew you I won´t be able to explain it in your language. The soul sings then, my dear. 

 I get in love with all kinds of unavailable people..unavailable to express feelings.. unavailable to commit.. unavailable to compromise... And when I discovered about your Unavailability, I HAD TO LEAVE YOU. But I was already in the game.. 

What you suppose to do when you reach 22 years old birthday?

As on 19 of November at 22:10 I will be officially called 22 years old lady, I was wondering.. Do people expect me to be true grown up where any jumpy dumpy stuff will be unacceptable? 


I know.. most of you would laugh at this tought as being under 30 is a very beautiful life time which we suppose to enjoy and don´t feel guilty for anything. But is that true?


This evening I appeared to be surrounded by one of my friends, who is the same type person as I am - thinker. If the thinker meets another thinker, than after  that evening there is no other choice than do what the mind does the best - get crazy. And this is were it was: In his opinion we, the young ones, suppose not to be afraid to give everything for the life without us stepping backwards. Its ok to get hurt one day, if before you let yourself to be truly happy. 




as anything I would be carrying in my mind, without knowing the answer, I decided to ask my wise friend Google:


What you suppose to do when you reach 22 years old birthday?


I decided not to spend much time on this investigation, as I knew there is no such question, so there were no chance to find direct answer,therefore I opened random article where it was mentioned my number: double 2


And it totally was encouraging:
´So, whether you´re 22, 32 or 102, don´t let anyone (including yourself) convince you that at some point in the future, you will no longer be ´young´. You have the ability to stay young for as long as you desire.´




Yup, To all of you, FOREVER young friends!


Good night :)

to (not) exist

A day when you know you have met your soul. Silence beauty. Totally blocking the outer life with earplugs and the sound of the music. Melancholic. Music when you hear your inner voice. When you feel your heartbeats as something special happened or might happen. The day when all ´must´duties can wait and a time slooows down. 

Couldn't sleep this night, was waking up too many times. Always angry at myself, because even in my dreams I was failing. I understood..I cannot be someone else than myself. Not that I don´t like who I am, but everyone keep having some kind of expectations which at the end I don´t fulfill any of them.. 

Or maybe a little messy mind-bug return again..

A day when I need just a hug. And Your smile. 

 

Down to earth day

Naa...today I had my ´last´ date. Happy with whom it was, but it just messed my peaceful mind. 


My new golden rule: 


´Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress ´




For my old friend: 

Choices...

Last week I got a question from one of my blog readers to write something which would motive to sit and write final dissertation. Honestly - I can not. Because today I made a choice which I am not proud of it at all, but maybe someone else will get motivated from my failures..

It´s hard to change the way of living if all your life you were having the same routine. We all know, what the humans mind can do - to make impossible to become possible. To make all changes in yourself if you want.. That is why there is a saying: ´if you want to change the world, change your mind´.  Right. Everything depends on you, what you want to do with your own life..   But sometimes we have a lack of motivation. 

Lack of motivation usually is caused by something more important. Priorities. Honestly, this semester, which is my final bachelor semester, I already started with the background of failing my studies. When I say ´Failure´, I don´t mean that I wouldn´t pass my final project, I am not scared to say - I am smart enough to do it, but I would not finish it with the grade which I want to score..  And this is the failure for me.  

Every beginning of the week, I promise for myself to put myself together and study the way I should. But my mind is blocked with the bigger priority. And this is the health. Maybe its strange to hear it from me, small active smiley person, talking about the Health, but lucky or unlucky I got to know that this untouchable power is important. If you don´t have the energy - you don´t want to do stuff. Your mind is messy and complicated.  We all know the Maslow´s Theory of Motivation, which says, that firstly basic needs should be covered in order to pursue self actualization.  Therefore I decided to split up my semester and to do just half of what is expected - I will write my dissertation now and leave final project for coming one. I am not proud. I am not satisfied. That´s even completely different from what I am (I love challenges!) But I feel that having less messy mind is more healthier for me at the moment. I could do more stuff which makes me happy and next semester feeling powerful again I will get the grade which I want. So there is no right or wrong.. There is the way you want to be. 

Note for the lazy bastards: 

FACEBOOK IS NOT SOMETHING WHICH MAKES YOU MORE HAPPIER AND FULFILLING YOUR LIFE. PUT PARENTAL  SETTINGS ON YOUR COMPUTER, SHUT INTERNET CONNECTION IF ITS NEEDED, BREATH IN, BREATH OUT - SIT DOWN AND WRITE YOUR PAPER!